What I Would (and Would Not) Do Differently
A client recently asked me what I would have done differently if I could go back and prepare for my first baby’s birth again. Here are the three things I would do differently, and five things that I would not change if I could go back.
Joyce and son, hours postpartum in 2008!
Three things I would change:
Stay out of the recliner! The number one thing I would do differently if I could go back and prepare for birth again, is I would fix my resting posture. My son was occiput posterior and asynclitic, and his position made for a more physically challenging labor and birth than if he had been positioned more optimally. My resting position of choice during his pregnancy was reclined on our deep, squishy couch, and my position very likely encouraged my baby to find the most space in that sunny-side-up position. Spinning Babies was not quite as well known in 2008 as it is today, but this is the reason why I provide all my doula clients with a copy of Spinning Babies Daily Essentials!
Prepare more for postpartum! We put lots of food in the freezer and had a meal train, my husband took 2 weeks off of work, I took 12 weeks off (unpaid…), we had family stopping by often, and we let a lot of the housework go, but postpartum was still a huge struggle. We did what people typically do to prepare for a new baby at home, and it was not enough. We did not plan for nighttime parenting. We had no support for when the piled up dishes started stinking, and we were both too exhausted to wash them ourselves. We didn’t prep breakfasts or easy snack foods. We let the yardwork go, and the piled up autumn leaves on our lawn ended up killing the grass underneath, and we had to deal with those consequences for years. We underestimated just how isolating postpartum would feel. We did not plan for lactation assistance. This is why I really push for my clients and childbirth students to prepare for their nutritional needs, housekeeping needs (including older children, pets, and yardwork), social needs, self-care (beyond hygiene needs!), and sleep. That’s also why Melissa and I have partnered to include her IBCLC lactation services for all of my birth doula clients!
Hired a postpartum doula! We had a very small postpartum doula community in 2008 in Lincoln, but if I could go back, I would have prioritized spending on dedicated postpartum support! Our family was very present, and pitched in when we asked, but they were also enjoying getting to know their first grandchild/nephew, and having someone checking in on me, asking how I was feeling physically and emotionally, someone with up-to-date information on newborn care and lactation, someone who was not navigating their own new family role with my baby, and who would pitch in without me needing to delegate it first, it would have made a world of difference in my transition into motherhood.
Now, here are five things I would do the same:
Approximately 3 weeks postpartum.
Take an out-of-hospital childbirth education course! We took a 12 week class, similar to the Bradley Method, taught by one of our doulas, and it was worth every penny and second we spent! We learned about childbirth and postpartum, we learned about newborn care, we learned about comfort measures and coping with contractions, but we also learned about letting go, teamwork, relaxation, the benefits and risks of medical interventions, what to expect if a rare emergency were to occur, and breastfeeding. The education we received in our childbirth class was so impactful, it’s a huge reason why I became a childbirth educator myself!
Hire a birth doula! In fact, we hired two birth doulas for our first birth, and again for our third! I cannot imaging giving birth without my amazing doulas at my side. My husband is a spectacular birth partner, I needed his presence and support too, but my doulas provided both of us with peace of mind, calm reminders, and experience. I would look to my doulas for reassurance that what I was feeling was normal, and we relied on them to help us figure out all the logistics, especially when to go to the hospital or birth center! Again, worth every single penny, and more.
Read books about childbirth! My sister-in-law sent me her copy of Penny Simkin’s The Birth Partner near the beginning of my first pregnancy, and it remains one of my favorite resources for childbirth! Whether or not you are planning to give birth without an epidural, I strongly recommend learning about the physiological process of childbirth so you know what your body and baby will be doing during labor, and having some idea of what will help you to cope well during your contractions. Other fantastic books to consider include Pregnancy, Childbirth, and the Newborn by Penny Simkin et. al., and The Complete Book of Pregnancy and Childbirth by Sheila Kitzinger.
Sleep! Sleep as often as you can during pregnancy! I took naps every day that I could during my pregnancies, and again, it was always time well spent. No, you cannot bank sleep for the newborn period, but sleeping well during pregnancy is not about “sleeping while you still can.” Sleeping while pregnancy is frequently interrupted (full bladder, again!), uncomfortable (all the pillows!), and challenging (heartburn, restless legs, and insomnia, oh my!), so getting enough rest is a challenge for most. Especially for people who find taking naps challenging, figuring out how to nap during pregnancy can help you get enough rest, and it can help you to continue napping during postpartum as well.
Prepare mentally for childbirth! Even before I got pregnant, I knew that I wanted to have an unmedicated birth, and throughout my pregnancy, I worked on preparing my mind and emotions for that experience. I read everything I could get my hands on about how to birth unmedicated. I learned as much as I could about the physiology of childbirth, so I knew what to expect during the process. I also learned about the major labor and birth complications, so I would know what was going on if it happened to me. I put together a birth team that was knowledgeable and experienced with unmedicated birth. I also made a backup plan in the event I changed my mind, or I experienced a complication that would take me down a different path. I used information as emotional support! The more I learned, and the more I prepared for my ideal birth as well as the what-ifs, the more confident and peaceful I felt with my birth plan.
Ultimately, I do still feel great about how we prepared for our first baby’s birth, and there is very little I would change about it if I had the chance to go back and do it again. All of my preparations, especially seeing a midwife, taking a childbirth class, and hiring doulas, turned my challenging back labor birth into an empowering experience that literally changed the trajectory of my life. I love helping other families prepare to meet their babies with education, evidence, and emotional support, contact me today to see how I can help you to have a well supported birth experience!